Many months ago when I was first thinking about starting this blog, I came up with a list of topics I planned to write about. One was about my mom’s switch from “Mom” to “Mum” when I moved to England seven years ago. I didn’t give it much thought at the time, but today, when I decided to go ahead and write on this, I tried to rack my brain — without success — on how exactly this switch occurred.

So, I started to sift through my Gmail by searching for the term “Mum.” And indeed I found an exchange of emails between my mom and me back in September 2009 which explains this.

I was going to head over to York to study abroad in January 2010, so back in September I was starting to make arrangements. I emailed my mom on September 9th about some trip logistics, and started the message with “Hello Mama,” only to conclude with, “Thanks Mum!”

I must’ve thought I was rather cool prepping myself with British lingo before crossing the pond; I happen to also remember switching around my spellings from American English to British English (i.e. adding a “u” to words like “color” or switching around the “er” in words like “center”), in the spirit of really “immersing” myself in British culture. As part of this, I seem to have opted in favor of “Mum” instead of my normal “Mom” or less frequently used “Mama.”

In response to being called “Mum” for the first time ever, my mom emailed back:

“From Mama to Mum! You are already turning English.
Love you any which way.”

The next time she emailed me again, she signed it, “Love, Mum.” And for the next few years that I spent abroad, she became Mum.

In retrospect, as silly as I was trying to pretend-be British, I love that my mom entertained the notion and took part. I find it very endearing and sweet that she met me on my level.

In fact, my mom always met other people on their level in this regard. I used to notice that when my mom was talking to others, she would use names and terms that they used as opposed to ones that she used. For instance, in talking to Sanam, Nikhil, or me about her parents — instead of referring to them as “Mummy and Papa,” as they were to her, she would say “Nani and Nana,” because that’s what we called them. And when she was talking about them to my cousins, she would again switch to using “Dadi and Dada.”

These days, I find myself being very aware of when other people do the same thing, and I feel really appreciative for it. Sure, it’s not a habit completely unique to my mom, but I like that when I witness it in other people, it specifically reminds me of her. I think it’s a subtle but meaningful way to relate to the other person, and it fosters warmth and connection.

Anyway, circling back to my original story —

Eventually, perhaps when I moved back to California — or when I stopped pretending I was British — Mum went back to being Mom again.

And just as she wrote to me in that first email, I reflect the same back to her:

Whether Mom or Mama or Mum, I love you any which way.