One day several years ago, I noticed that my mom was wearing a ring I hadn’t seen her wear before — a delicate gold one with three small diamonds. I told her I liked it. The next morning, I woke up and saw the ring sitting next to me on my bedside table.
Ever since that day this ring became special to me, not because of the gold and diamonds (though these certainly don’t hurt), but because of the way my mom gave it to me. When I told her that I liked her ring, I was simply complimenting it — the thought of wanting it for myself though hadn’t even crossed my mind. But for my mom, as soon as she learned that I liked it, she desired to give it to me; she knew that it would bring me joy to receive it from her. It was as simple as that.
I recall another instance when I was looking through my mom’s closet to borrow something and I spotted a pretty dress. So I said to her, “Mom, that’s a nice dress.” And she responded, “Do you want it?”
This thinking is sort of baffling to me, because it’s so different from the way my brain works. For me, having a possession that others like and compliment is all the more reason for me to keep it. But the opposite has held true for my mom.
I have found generosity to be an area that I generally struggle with, so it’s something I especially admire in my mom. Her generosity is a product of her giving heart — a heart that has sought to bless others with what’s been hers to give, be it her time, money, or in this case, possessions.
To clarify, I don’t believe that having a giving heart translates to giving everything away and devaluing everything one owns. I think it just comes down to having a greater desire to benefit others than to benefit oneself, a desire in my mom that manifested in the above instances.
In my previous “Values” post I wrote about compassion, and I do think compassion and generosity go hand in hand; so it makes a lot of sense that my mom would possess both traits on a deeply meaningful level. I mentioned in that post that it was always her dream to open an orphanage in India. Not only does that demonstrate compassion, but also wonderful generosity — she was willing to give away her time, energy, money, and comfortable lifestyle to benefit children whom she recognized could benefit significantly from her help.
There are many additional examples I could provide that highlight my mom’s generosity and illustrate the broader impact of it, but today I’m just mainly going to stick to these simple but personal ones that are special to me and have also taught me valuable lessons.
When I started working, my mom reminded me to give away a portion of my money to charity now that I was earning. I had always liked the idea of donating money, but I soon found I only liked it in theory — it was an uphill battle to get myself to actually part with the money. I found myself making excuses; I hadn’t yet found a charity that “spoke to me,” or I wasn’t yet making “enough” money such that I should be giving a percentage away.
In reality, I was just making excuses. My mom would have known this at the time, but I think she knew that it was her place to encourage me to develop a giving heart and serve as an example for me to learn from, as opposed to imploring me to give when I would be doing so begrudgingly. As with any character development, the desire to change has to come from within.
Fortunately, I have my mom to look to as a role model, and her standard to live up to — and the desire to change has come; I too want to develop a giving heart. Although it feels like I am fighting against my natural instinct, it’s because my natural instinct is off on this one.
A couple weeks ago, I lent Sanam a pair of exercise pants that I quite like but don’t need — and I know she would love to keep them when she leaves for Hong Kong in a couple weeks. As I’ve been thinking about writing this post for some time, ever since she brought up liking them I’ve been reminded of the way my mom gave me her ring, and have been acutely aware of the opportunity to engage in a (verrrry) small act of generosity and take the first step towards developing a giving heart.
So *deep breath* here goes… Sanam, the pants are all yours. And you can thank Mom for that 😉
Lessons from Anju 
Thank you Mika. As you say, it is hard to make giving unconditionally a habit. Creating goodwill was a natural art for her.
Anju’s abundance attitude started with a belief that God gave her much to share whether it be gifts or appreciation.
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Thanks Vineet Mama. Yes, that’s completely true- Mom’s generosity was a product of desiring to share what God had gifted her with.
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Your ‘Lessons from Anju’ are delightful. They touch the core of my heart. Now at 90, I may go any day but want to see these in a hard copy for the family and those who love her. Thanks very much. Love Nana
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Thank you Nana. Your regular feedback and appreciation is very meaningful.
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Mika,
What a wonderful example Anju was to us all. Thank you for highlighting her generosity. It gives us all something to aspire to.
Lauren
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Thanks so much- I too learn so much as I write and reflect on my mom’s wonderful example.
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Dear mika
Feel so fortunate every time I get your update – I remember your mom and get reminded to try n be a better person – she was a natural giver in every way …. In emotion, care, love and I’m sure goodies too 😊
Take care … Always
Nandini
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Thanks for your meaningful words. It’s a joy to be able to regular share my mom’s beautiful impact with other loved ones.
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Hi Mika, I have been meaning to write to you for some time but your excuses bit really got me to do it today.
First of all this is such a great way to remember and pay tribute to your mom. I do enjoy and appreciate reading all your letters.
It is true that Anju was truly a generous and kind soul. Thank you for being so candid and reminding us all to do right thing even though sometimes those excuses really do sound very convincing in our head 🙂
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Thank you for your kind words. How special that you should be so directly impacted and driven to action!
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Your mom gave me her time when I needed it the most, i.e my mom massed away. I will always treasure that.
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Thanks for sharing Dipa Aunty. That’s very special.
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Dear Mika,
Somehow I missed this when you first wrote it. Once again you have touched our hearts with your remembrances of your mom. It is a blessing and so are you!
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Thank you Mrs. Hunt. I really appreciate your kind words and ongoing support and love for our family.
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Anju Aunty always (and I mean always) used to bring back loads & loads of clothes when she visited India. She made it a point to give away anything that was not being used or wanted, whether old or new (they were mostly new in fact).
I would not claim to have even a fraction of that giving spirit, but whatever teeny bit I do, I give full credit to the 3 incredible mums I have known- Dani, my mom & Anju A. In fact I got the chance to be the giver a few years ago, which is rare – Anju A really liked a black sweater I had bought recently on sale. I tried so hard to find her a similar one but you know how it is with special sales! So anyway, after she returned to California, someone was going there from India (can’t recall who). Even though I had worn that sweater a few times, I had it dry-cleaned, packed as new & sent it as a surprise gift for Anju A. I also slipped in a small note with my love, into one of the pockets. I remember hearing her appreciation when we spoke on the phone later. It made me very happy.
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I want to share another small story that I remembered, and this one’s about Mika. This was years & years ago, during a California visit. I saw a small bookmark in Mika’s room, of a kind I hadn’t seen before. The holder was actually a panda reading a book, with the page holding bit below it. I told her how cute it was & her immediate reaction was, ‘you can have it if you like it’.
I still have that bookmark & whenever I happen to see it, I always remember Mika. It was such a small gesture, but so meaningful that I will never forget it. I realized just how much, only after I read this post. You have the same spirit, Mika, and it makes you the sweetheart that you are.
Sorry, didn’t mean to hog the blog!
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