A few days ago at work, I was having lunch with a friend who’s also coping with loss in his life. We were relating to each other’s experiences around seeing certain relationships in our lives fade in the midst of our personal adversity.

Indeed, I’ve struggled a lot with expecting support from certain people in my life over the last couple years, and feeling completely let down by them. At times this disappointment has even turned into bitterness and resentment.

It’s a harsh adult reality that we’ll all face sooner or later: Not all relationships stand strong in the face of trial. While some people seek to provide comfort during these times, others find it uncomfortable, painful, or are unwilling to invest the effort, and choose to distance themselves.

This is an ongoing challenge for me, and something I anticipate I’ll continue to deal with in the long term. And I can’t escape that challenge, but I’ve started to learn a new perspective around this — one of gratitude for all the support I have received.

My mom serves as an example to me of how to approach life with gratitude even when circumstances are extremely difficult. I do find it extra hard to think about when she was sick, so I usually try to avoid it, but this is an exception, as I’m especially inspired by how she managed to find gratitude during this tough time.

Each evening before she was to receive treatment, my mom chose to take Communion and give thanks to God. I’d pour out a sip of wine for her and break off a small piece of bread and she’d take it as we prayed, expressing gratitude for Jesus’ sacrifice and the forgiveness we’ve received.

My mom also found gratitude in the profound love she felt after she got sick. She said she never before realized just how loved she was, but the outpouring of support she received made her realize that a lot of people really, really love her. She was so thankful for learning this — she said that most people probably never get the opportunity to be shown this during their lifetime.

I’m touched — blown away really — by my mom’s choice to give so much thanks during this difficult time. And I emphasize, her choice — a conscious decision to approach her life with gratitude and acknowledge all the good in her life. During the good times, gratitude is easier, and she certainly expressed gratitude during these times, but she kept it up even during the bad, which is infinitely harder.

As I mentioned, my mom was deeply grateful for the support she received, but she faced disappointment at times as well. I remember one conversation we had while in the car, when she was telling me about one person whom she felt especially let down by, because she expected that this person would’ve been there for her when they weren’t.

Disappointment in others is inevitable — my mom, me, you, we’re all human and we get let down by others (and also let others down). But I think the lesson is in what we choose to do with this disappointment. And this is where gratitude comes into play.

What I’ve learned is that we have the choice either to let disappointment fester into bitterness or resentment, as I have at times, or to acknowledge and accept the disappointment for what it is, but then find gratitude for all the good. Just as my mom did.

And that’s what I’m working on now. Because I have received amazing love and compassion from some people in my life who have truly surpassed all expectation, and that’s something to be incredibly grateful for. I have friends and family who have continually built me up, have encouraged me and checked in repeatedly despite me never first reaching out, have helped me feel loved and protected. They have put me first in the relationship, giving generously without expectation of receiving in return.

And then there are some of you who I may not know as well but who have demonstrated your love through your incredibly thoughtful comments to this blog, either publicly or to me privately. Wow! What meaningful support. I don’t take it for granted.

There’s a verse in the Bible that says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). And I’ve been blessed to have witnessed this from some really special people who have offered me a glimmer of hope in what’s otherwise felt like overwhelming darkness. These are relationships in their fullest and most beautiful form. These are relationships to be grateful for.

Gratitude is an attitude — despite the cheesiness of the rhyme, it’s true. We will all face disappointment from certain people or situations in our lifetime — it’s inescapable. But we always have the choice to pursue gratitude in spite of this.

Let my mom serve as an inspiration to you, just as she does for me, for what this looks like.