From what I’ve heard, one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent is watching your child grow up and start a life of his or her own.

A mother first gives her child life, then sustains that life through the nourishment her body provides. Over time, though, the relationship transitions away from one of dependency on the mother. The child ventures out into the world, seeking out new relationships and experiences, experiences that may no longer include her. She’s left with two options – cling on, or let go.

We’ve all heard the phrase that to love means to let go. I think parenting can uniquely exemplify this and I’m fortunate to have seen and experienced the fullness of this love firsthand.

I am so blessed to have developed a beautiful relationship with my mom. It started from a very young age. I can’t remember myself, but I’m told I used to grip onto my mom’s thumb all the time. I constantly needed to be with her.

Over time, of course, our relationship evolved, but it certainly wasn’t any less significant. I regularly looked to my mom for support — either practical or emotional or spiritual — for love and affection, for advice. In living under the same roof, we had constant access to each other and most of my world was under her supervision.

In time, though, my mom decided it was time to let go. In the fall of 2007, I left for UCLA – over 300 miles away from home.

Recently, I stumbled across an email my mom sent the day after she and my dad dropped me off at college. Only in re-reading it did I realize how hard it was for her to say goodbye.

A few of her words:

“Hello Miku,

Just wanted to let you know that I miss you very much. I kept crying last night in bed cos I was feeling bad that you were not in the house.

I am excited about all that life has in store for you, but it is a two edged sword. Wish I could have you at home forever!!”

At the end of the email, she noted:

“Mika, you will have to listen to Like a Bridge Over Troubled Waters – Especially the part about your time has come to shine!!”

I didn’t really understand the significance of her message at the time, but being ten years older and wiser, I do now. As my mom shared, it was very painful for her to let me go and start my own life. And yet she did. Not only this, but she (across multiple communications, not just this one) encouraged me — at the risk of sounding cheesy — to spread my wings and fly.

This also meant giving me the freedom to fly away from her. Indeed, letting go is a selfless act of love.

A few years later, I chose to move to England. Whereas I was previously 300 miles away in LA, now I was 5,300 miles away! That meant being in a different time zone from my family, having less frequency of communication, and starting a life that my mom would have virtually no direct exposure to.

As with previously, though, she gave me the encouragement and support to pursue the future that lay ahead for me. I’d like to share another note she wrote me, this time on my 24th birthday in October 2013, when I’d been living in London for a year.

“My dearest Peeks,

As I picked this card, I connected with the sentiments it expressed. So often I look at your pictures of when you were all little and miss those times of having you around. However, the thought of being able to share with you almost every day what you are going through and what I am going through makes me grateful for who you have become and what life has in store for you.

May God continue to shine His face upon you and grow you in the way He has done so far. May you always bask in His presence and trust in all the good things and purposes He has in store for you.

I am so grateful for this past year that you have experienced – your relationship with Shaan, your new experiences in London, your work, your beautiful flat and how easily that fell into place. Now you have some changes in store. May you be filled with happy memories and grow through the experiences that lie ahead.

I am so grateful for the lovely, kind and thoughtful person you are and look forward to seeing what you will become with each passing year.

I love you so much.

Mum”

I think these words stand strong by themselves, so I won’t offer much commentary. I’ll just say that Sanam, Nikhil, and I have all received immeasurable support and encouragement from our mom (and of course our dad too) to embark on new journeys in life, even if these journeys took us farther away from her. She was willing to make that sacrifice to allow us to experience the fullness of life.

And I am deeply grateful for this. It’s meant the opportunity to pursue a life looking forward and towards new and exciting experiences while knowing we have her cheering us unconditionally and unwaveringly behind us. It’s also meant the opportunity to open our eyes to new sights and our hearts to new relationships.

Finally, it’s meant the opportunity to develop a special and deep connection with my mom. Moving away certainly changed the nature of our relationship, but I absolutely feel it changed for the better. We would both so look forward to talking with each other when we could. Speaking was never an obligation, but a blessing. In effect, my mom letting me go gave me the freedom to choose to come back to her.

Earlier in this post, I mentioned that my mom wrote in her email to listen to the song Bridge Over Troubled Water, and specifically to pay attention to the lyrics about my time to shine. I’d like to simply conclude with these words, which she so lovingly put into practice:

Sail on, silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh if you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind.

I’m sailing, Mama ♥