All humans want to feel included. To feel a part of something, to know that we are accepted and embraced, whether it be among family, or friends, or colleagues, or teammates.

Those of you familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs — a theory in psychology representing human needs in the form of a pyramid — know that Maslow positions the need for social belonging just after physiological and safety needs, i.e. the most basic requirements for human survival.

Feeling included — feeling that you belong — is just that important. The absence of this can create loneliness, social anxiety, even depression.

The thing is, we all have the power to include or exclude. Inclusiveness is not a genetic trait, but a value that we can choose to practice.

My mom chose to practice this in our family, borne out of a desire to love and spread love. Today I want to share three examples that have stood out to me in different ways.

The first is her decision to include new friends in our annual Thanksgiving dinner 15ish years ago. My mom had met a fellow aspiring realtor, Ash, on a real estate training course, and through him got introduced to his wife, Sangeeta. Ash and Sangeeta were very new to the area and didn’t know too many people yet. So very early on into getting to know each other, my mom invited them to join us for Thanksgiving, which we hosted at our house each year.

What stands out to me from that year is Sangeeta Aunty and Ash Uncle’s expression of immense gratitude towards my mom for including them in our celebrations. In fact, not just that year but the year after that, and after that, and after that. Each Thanksgiving, right before we started dinner, we would go around the room and share what we were grateful for. And every year they came back and reflected with thankfulness on that first year when my mom welcomed them, even though they were only just becoming friends. They were so thankful she’d made them feel included at a time they needed it.

My second example is a more challenging one, but one that just stood out to me so brightly in the midst of darkness. It goes back to when my mom was in the hospital. In frankness, my mind has blocked out almost all of it to avoid the overwhelming pain of those moments. But those details are not important. The general memory, as I remember it, is my family surrounding my mom’s bedside, and my mom asking Vishal to come over to her so she could hold his hand.

I often think about how special this gesture was. Sanam and Vishal had gotten married about one month prior. And what I saw in this moment was a mother embracing not her son-in-law, but her son. In the midst of inexplicable challenge, my mom wanted Vishal to feel completely included. To feel a part of her family in that moment and always.

My parents were always going to welcome children-in-law to our family and embrace them as their own. Even just the other day my dad referenced the importance of this. And I never doubted it would be otherwise with my parents. But seeing this in practice, in the most fragile of moments, was touching.

And the third instance of inclusiveness I want to share is represented in my mom’s desire to foster a child. She wanted to open our family to a child in need and make them feel like they belonged. She wanted to give love to a child who needed it.

I remember how I responded – like a selfish child. I didn’t want to share; I wanted to keep my mom to myself. I didn’t want my family to include anyone else.

I can think of several other instances where I’ve responded in this less than honorable way. Fortunately, I have these wonderful examples to look to and learn from — this blog is called Lessons from Anju for a reason! And what I’ve learned is that being inclusive — by opening up your heart to a new family member or friend — is right and good. It’s an act of love.

And like other acts of love, the benefits go both ways. I’ve learned that my family have become all the richer because of the new family and friends that we’ve opened ourselves up to. And I can only imagine our new family members are better off also, because they are loved and feel they belong.

One thing I want to point out is my dad’s role in all of this too. Both my parents are wonderfully welcoming and always supported this approach in each other. And every new person that was embraced as part of this family was embraced by both.

These days, when you or I hear about inclusiveness (more likely “inclusion”) it refers more to inclusiveness at the societal level, and promoting equality and diversity across different ethnicities, genders, sexualities, and so on. And while it might appear different to what I’ve talked about here, it’s actually all very related.

Inclusiveness — at any level — boils down to keeping an open heart and desiring to make others feel welcome. But the first place it can start is at home, within our own families. And I’m grateful to say I’ve had some great examples set for me.